Police Department robbed
By D.J.G.
May 31, 2016
Last night a group of six robbers attacked the police station and killed all six officers guarding the evidence from the mansion robbery that occured last week. But the police are baffled as all valuable objects were intact. »We assume that this wasn't the same group of robbers that attacked the Mansion last week. All evidence including the Slice of Blood, Arstoszka Passport and Piano Wire were not stolen” said the spokesperson of the Police department. However police officer Morgan couldn’t find his melon sandwich anywhere.
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Players admit to using performance enhancing drugs
By D.J.G.
May 31, 2016
Today we sat down with three players that wish to remain anonymous and talked about the problem plaguing the community for years. There are various drugs present in OGAT. Known by the common name as Hacks, these drugs can mostly be traced by the OGAT anti-doping agency. Once found, the users, also called hackers, are then disqualified. But there is another drug that is usually mistaken for hack callled the Lag. »It is incredible, you can feel your ping rising even turning red. Everyone just stands still and you can run circles around them without getting shot.« said our source. While it can have the same effect as the Hack, using the Lag can be risky. Another former user told us that its effects aren't always beneficial »I thought I would get faster, stronger, but instead I slowed down. It appeared as if everyone else was teleporting around me«. Mr. Cominu, the president of the OGAT anti-doping agency, told us they currently don't have any plans of stopping Lag users. »It is simply too widespread. Studies show that every player used Lag at least once during their career« stated Mr. Cominu.
Bombs go off on Morton Street
By Moe
May 31, 2016
On May 29th on Morton Street a bomb went off on the balcony of a Moexpress building. Apparently a worker there was closing up that night and heard a bunch of footsteps up the stairs he went and hid in the closet and then he saw lots of guns he then called 911 and they came 5 minutes later. There were seventeen police deaths that night from a suicide bomber on the balcony. Ten of the criminals were sent to jail and fourteen of them died. We still have no idea what their purpose was. Jeremy got an exclusive interview with the worker here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckcUBUesnw8. No civilians were injured from the falling rubble but the worker did have a broken arm. The criminals will be in jail for the next six years and a funeral will take place on June 10th for the dead officers. And that is all for today’s article tune in next week for an exclusive interview with Chuck Norris.
The MM of '69
By O. Morgan
May 31, 2016
"It was late, rain pouring down my face like I was having a shower," reports the eye witness, he then depicted a scene of violence and a display of pure hatered. " I should have done something, but my arms my body, froze." In mid-April a horrifying mass-murder was committed, some nickname the night the 'MM of '69 short for the Melon Massacre of 1969' the number of casualtys were uncountable due to the mass of guts and juice of the fallen, the offender 'Michael' posted a photo of his crime to a online forum for children. The mothers were horrified at the sight of dead melons. That's all the detail I can report on today, some descriptions were too violent to discribe. For now the offender has been detained in the notorious Pinecone prison for 459 years, Don't worry children your safe for now.
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VIP found dead!
By Kosuke
May 31, 2016
Last night, after the row of failed attempts to kill the ViP that took place in the past two months, the infamous Cobra decided to strike once more. The lifeless corpse was found at the Mansion, laying next to a few crumbs of what appears to be a golden potato. Last night, at around 3:48 AM, the neighbours heard screams, followed by "GG NOOB TEAM" and a stabbing noise. The Golden potato has also gone missing. So far, the only clue we have is the Cobra's signature double stab, resembling a snake bite. The forensic team has confirmed that the ViP took at least one bite from the Potato, right before dying. Theorists assume that the ViP went for a midnight snack, after which he was assassinated. It's safe to say that, even if we're in a serious crisis, we can always count on The Guardian corps. Main Journalist/Reporter Scout, signing out.
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Guards blame OGAT-Tech for supplying defective grenades
By D.J.G.
June 1, 2016
The Union of Guards of OGAT (UG-OGAT) filled a lawsuit against OGAT-Tech yesterday. Ogat Tech is the exclusive supplier of equipment for Guards in OGAT. They manufacture everything from weapons, ammunition to flares and even stones. But it has recently been shown that not all their products are manufactured correctly. “Our workers have been complaining that their grenades haven't been working properly for some time” stated a spokesperson for UG-OGAT and added “We lost several lives due to the malfunctioning grenades” It has shown that the latest shipment of grenades contained only one-tenth of explosive that normal grenades usually have. “Those [explicit F-word removed] at OGAT-Tech are trying to earn more money at the expense of our lives” complained one of the Guards that was injured during the latest attack on the Office compelx. However not all deaths are consequences of grenades failing in the heat of the battle. Many are contributed to somewhat unethical testing. It has shown that many Guards test the grenades on their co-workers when they arrive on the job. “The only way to be sure it works is if you throw it towards your partner. If he dies you know that your grenades are fine” stated our source. We also asked OGAT-Tech for a statement about these allegations, but Mr. Helba, CEO of OGAT-Tech was unavailable for comment.
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Custom Maps market crashing
By D.J.G.
June 1, 2016
Despite the initial popularity of Custom Maps stocks, issued for the first time at the end of last year, their index has since been plummeting. Shares of all companies manufacturing custom maps, like ChanChan Enterprises and even companies normally producing food like RAVIOLI inc., were skyrocketing in late December. But since then the market has been in sharp decline. Experts have contributed the fiasco to many different reasons. “You could never be certain what you would get when buying custom maps” said The Guardians financial expert “Some were really well done. However there were also unimaginative maps, trying to mimic the originals or maps that simply didn’t work. Quality of some maps was also highly questionable. It was evident that the manufacturer simply wanted to make a lot of money for as little input as possible” The market has been stabilizing recently but with only a small number of businesses still producing maps.
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Gang War Between Wizarding Groups In Happy Face Cemetery
By Knoxxus
June 1, 2016
An exclusive interview with MR.MAGMUSEN(Editing out his grammatical mistakes)--- "I was visiting the cemetry just opposite my house to pay my respects to the people i got killed due to my noobish mistakes. I just entered when quite a few people rushed up and started fighting with guns and all." "I had the element of lag and surprise on my side and i was able to take cover in a pretty decent bush...though it smelled like someone had tinkled over there recently. Leaving that aside, I was astonished to see that a huge amount of smokes, flares,molos, and many more nades being thrown from each side." "It seemed that each person had a magical restorative bag which produced an infinite amount of a variety of nades. However, it seemed they were supplied with malfunctioning grenades(see "Guards blame OGAT-Tech for supplying defective grenades") but besides that,everything else seemed to be working fine." This recent violence has triggered the OGAT community and the persons behind this will be severely punished.The total body count exceeded 150.We all can count on The Guardian to keeps us all updated with the news and we hope that the mischief makers will be caught in due time.
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Melon trap violence
By O.Morgan
June 1, 2016
Shocking scenes here today as two rival gangs brush shoulders with eachother, Reports tell us there has been a blending in the small province of kingstmelon. The Crisps and the bubblegums are two gangs notorious for violence, A brawl broke out today in a local smoothie bar, run and owned by Moes private melonaries Little did Moe know one of his employees was a member of the Crisp gang. The offender who's name is disclosed, was reported by passer by Kosuke, A huge fan of the bubblegum gang who also loves melons. We have no personal statement by him but we have footage from the shop CCTV cameras. The images show the unknown Crisp member blending a baby melon. Kosuke is seen through the shop window in complete panick he reaches to his melon Eyephone a passer-by heard the conversation "Guys I've seen some-" Kosuke then projectile vomits on the shop window. This triggered the bubble gum m gang to spark and attack in Kingstmelon. Many lives were lost in and around the Crisps HQ. Officer[the other one]Charli was called to break up the fight. She reported 69 deaths in the crisp gang and 1 (the poor man Kosuke vommed on) from the bubblegums. Things have calmed down now. It looks like the Harlem globe tr- the police have saved the day again.
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Scientist concerned the fabric of space-time is starting to tear apart
By D.J.G.
June 2, 2016
Yesterday scientists arrived in a small town called Dedicated Server. In recent times people of this unusually named settlement have witnessed a bizarre occurrence. “I was shocked when I first saw people walking through walls, but now I got used to it” said CobraNoob583 in an interview for The Guardian. After a while it became evident that “wall walkers” weren’t in the same place as other players. “I was on duty, guarding the Office when suddenly my co-workers all started to walk through walls. They told me they were actually in the Cemetery” stated Your1337mom. When this information reached the scientific community of OGAT, physicists became concerned. They speculate that the fabric of space-time is beginning to tear apart. One theory suggests that multiple wormholes are starting to form in the Dedicated Server and that the residents accidentally step into them. Scientists also worry that if the phenomenon spreads we could witness the end of reality as we know it. Although the wormholes aren’t dangerous people have died from their side effects. Guards all over OGAT are terrified as they can be shot through walls. One of them was shot through the wall on his first day. “They are everywhere! No, they are coming! Help! Our Spawn is not safe anymore! They are everywhere! No, they are coming! Help! Our Spawn is not safe anymore!” stated the guard who is now resting in the OGAT asylum.
We also sent a reporter to the thieves spawn point hoping to get an interview. Sadly our reporter was found stabbed in the back with this note attached to his body “Stop spawnkilling you [explicit F-word removed] piece of [mildly explicit S-word removed].”
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Track trouble
By O.Morgan
June 2, 2016
Three days ago the well known melon express train service found its self in the eye of a storm. The storm now named hurricane Bodjzwauld swept over melon city. Many cars houses and shoes were lost but luckily no melons were harmed. The melon express was picked up by the storm, a passenger told us, "it was like a really good roller coaster just a bigger risk of immediate death." Another stated, " when the storm hit I felt something was wrong because everyone threw their hands in the air." For some reason the passengers thought it was part of the melon express experience, they are known for staging wild stunts involving trains. Their most famous stunt was parking an ac-130 on the tracks with the cargo bay door open. As the train shuttered along the track it pushed the plane to 300mph as the plane took off the front carriage broke off the track into the cargo bay, the flight lasted 2 hours, they flew around the world 6 times before little Johnnys bed time.
Funeral on June 3rd
By Moe
June 3, 2016
The funeral for the police from the bombing has been unexpectedly changed to June 3rd. Apparently multiple families couldn't make it so i hope to see you there on 3rd at the cemetery. Officer Morgan and Officer Charli will be putting it on for they were close to some of the fallen police and they are putting a lot of money into it apparently.
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Employers concerned with the rising number of friendships formed
By D.J.G.
June 3, 2016
In the past few days a new social trend emerged in the OGAT community. Players all around OGAT began to form new friendships and making them public via so-called “Friends lists”. However not everybody is happy with this latest craze. Businesses and private land owners are deeply worried about the situation. “What happens when a guard that we hire to protect our property befriends a thief trying to rob us?” stated a local tycoon who expressed his concerns about the current situation. It seems that local mob bosses have also been affected by the Friends lists. One of them agreed to sit down for an interview and told us about the incident that happened to his crew last night. “I sent my boys to steal the infamous Cake from the Mansion when one of the cobras recognised one of the guards as his friend. He then immediately turned on his crew and started stoning them to death. Luckily one of the juggernauts finished him off with a grenade and saved the operation.” Despite a few incidents psychologists say that the employers have nothing to fear about. Statistics shows that even though friends find themselves on different teams they still kill each other with great pleasure. “Our research also shows that two people are more likely to kill one another if they are friends” explained The Guardian’s psychology expert, trying to calm down guard and thief employers in OGAT.
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Gun shots at funeral
By Moe
June 4, 2016
Just today at the cemetery the gang that blew up the balcony on Morton street came to get their revenge by throwing smoke grenades all over the cemetery they then proceeded to take hostages. Thankfully officer Morgan was in the washroom at the time of the raid and came out to find all of them. He then single handily took out all the invaders. There were no deaths on that day and officer Morgan has now been promoted to "The Melon Lord" and Jeremy got an exclusive interview with him https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ . The seven invaders have now been put in jail for 6 years. That is all for tonight and remember to tune in on Wednesdays for karaoke night.
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Serial killer finally caught by the police
By D.J.G.
June 4, 2016
A few days ago OGAT celebrity Sptut379 held a press conference announcing his retirement.” I will be leaving for the summer, so goodbye Bat and Cominu <3” stated Sptut379 in his speech on Wednesday. However nobody suspected that he was actually trying to flee the country knowing the police were closing in upon him. Detectives of Federal Bureau of OGAT recently linked the killings of more than 10.000 victims committed in the past 2 years to Sptut. With the help of local police department they launched an operation on Thursday evening attempting to capture the notorious serial killer. Despite the overwhelming numbers, a hundred men in blue tragically died and were added to the already huge list of Sptut’s victims. The task force was eventually able to capture Sptut when he finally ran out of ammunition on Friday morning at about 5 a.m. A quick trial was held on Friday and the defendant was found guilty on all charges. He was sentenced to 100 years in the maximum security prison but he will be eligible for parole at the end of summer 2016.
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Silent Stealer Take FGU to Court Over Defamation
by Parr T. Nader
June 9, 2016
The infamous FGU Blacklist, which has been the subject of controversy for some time now, is the subject of OGAT's latest libel lawsuit. Silent Stealer, a notorious thief and scoundrel, is the plaintiff. Of course to fully understand the situation, we must examine the "Blacklist" and Silent Stealer's claim. The Blacklist was created by the FGU in order to reveal, "who spam racistic shit, spawncamp in a very harrassing way or destroy maps by spamming shit." They also have a list of hackers, team killers, and even one who talked about "buying hacks" who never actually hacked. These reasons seem very trivial too some, and the consequences are terrible. FGU, being a large and powerful clan, are using the list to ridicule players, ban them from servers and even to spawncamp them and spam racistic comments in order to "get back." Silent Stealer was added for harassment. His life hasn't been the same since. "I can hardly wake up in the morning without FGU cry babies outside my house shouting at me," Mr. Stealer said. Mr. Stealer's lawyer, Kosuke, is going on the offensive by saying, "Be like a goat, if something kicks you, kick it back!" However FGU might be the one to kick back. "It doesnt matter who you are, it matters how you behave," said FGU leader Idulus. "if one decides to harrass others he has to deal with the consequences."
There photographic proof of Silent's harassment which no one denies. However; some still think the punishment of the blacklist was too much. Kosuke said, "Silent is an ok guy, a lot of people tend to troll sometimes. I'd forgive him." Others, like Kosuke, think that the blacklist's punishments are completely inordinate for the crimes. Kosuke added, "If i went around taking screenshots for every asshole i (sic) see, both of my drives would be full and we would need more than 5 blacklists." Silent, despite his role as a career thief, is getting a lot of support from the community. #GetSilentOffTheBlacklist is trending on the forums. Now after one month of review, the case is finally going to court. Keep on the look out for more updates from the Guardian.
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Fashon facade
By O.Morgan
June 9, 2016
Yesterday in the OGAT daily reports, designer and engineer Batman released his new line of racing wear, they come in three colours and 'fit tightly'. Melon activist and melon scientist aka,Me has created a petition to the creation of a melon costume to "race in melon style" He hopes he can get as many signatures as possible from his clan and strangers, He also hopes he will stop talking about himself in the third person. In other news Roaxer has left the building for two months although his suspected second account [name removed by moderator] is also 'leaving for two months' Roaxer[the cnt]smith or Roaxer[the attention seeking missile]smith is a suspicious character and police officer Charli has advised and warned the public not to approach or confront him.
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Jacklaw Lands Up In Hospital
By Knoxxus
June 10, 2016
The whole OGAT community is on the lookout for Jackclaw. He has bitten the hand that feeds him by INSULTING THE GOD LIKE DEVELOPERS OF OGAT. Yes,he has recently called the devs "lazy." Of course, the devs retaliated with nice pics and comments with a staggering 21 votes(till now).It has smashed the record barrier and is a new world record. SIRjonathanhuo11 says "Yes, let us carry him in ropes and drag him to the center of the square, where he shall be crucified and eaten by his own children.".Though the crowd didn't resort to that much violence, Jackclaw has got some of his body parts cut off(he will never be a dad). He is now permanently residing in the OGAT hospital under Grade - A security which is barely enough to keep the crowd away.
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Class Action Lawsuit Against OGAT Developers
by Parr T. Nader
June 10, 2016
A strange fiasco with OGAT keys leads to unsatisfied players
Players Roaxer, darksriker (a.k.a. ruthlesslayer), green-mist, and sushu1ismyname1 have filed a class action lawsuit against OGAT developers for loosing their citizenship status. Their citizenship status was revoked recently after IlIlI (a.k.a. Radio) refunded the keys through steam. Because IlIlI is no longer sponsoring them, they may be extradited from OGAT soon. Donald Trump supports this move. Professional analist jackclaw believes this is a scam set up by IlIlI. He notes from his hospital bed, "ILILI tried to get infinite keys and keep his money constant by doing refunds...but if he did steam refund the key wont be valid anymore xD" The primary plaintiff, roaxer, is very mad. So mad that he's been made into a meme. He commented to us that, "i really might stop" which has the community excited that he'll finally quit OGAT. Stay tuned for updates as the case develops.
OGAT National Cup kicks off
By D.J.G.
June 11, 2016
Yesterday 24 teams of the Old Continent began a one month competition to decide which country is the best in football. The OGAT national team was not invited. “OGAT players are known for carrying knives during their football games. We don’t want fatalities to occur like the last time when we invited the OGAT team” stated the man in charge of public relations for UEFA. Saddened for not being able to participate, OGAT Football Association (OFA) decided to organise its own national cup. They selected the city of La Brioche as the host despite the OGAT Public Transportation Syndicate organising labour strikes in the city. The team of La Brioche was meant to open the competition yesterday by playing against the La Setta team. However things did not go as planned. When the match was supposed to start La Brioche team never arrived on the stadium. Instead their spokesperson came out of the locker rooms and told the press that: “the team of La Brioche decided to support the OGAT Public Transportation Syndicate and join their strike”. Immediately after the events on the stadium other teams agreed to join the strike as well. The entire cup was therefore cancelled and all OGAT citizens will have to satisfy with the EURO 2016.
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FGU Settles out of Court
by Parr T. Nader
June 11, 2016 .
As the FGU becomes more irrelevant, so does the blacklist Silent Stealer, who filed a law suit against FGU earlier, drops charges after an alleged out of court settlement. Neither party gives details. Many however speculate it’s due to the FGU loosing popularity, and the blacklist’s increasing irrelevance. “How is FGU so ignorant? Literally NO ONE CARES about the blacklist,” professional killer Sptut379 said. “It's useless especially seeing as half the community doesn't even go on the forums.” Idulus, however, maintains his clan is doing great. He pointed to his website for proof. The website advertises FGU’s fast development, fun and non-toxic atmosphere, and it’s free access. Kosuke, Mr. Stealer’s lawyer, however, disagrees with many of the website’s statements. “I don't remember more than 3 people joining FGU in the past month.” He also mentioned FGU’s bullying of players in TAOO. FGU continues to gather enemies, and the alleged settlement was probably a way to reduce the heat they’re taking. Whatever the case, FGU’s future looks bleak.
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SURVEY- The most hated Feature in OGAT
By D.J.G.
June 21, 2016
Nobody is going to be surprised by the results of our first Guardian’s survey. Our researchers were quite pleased as 140 votes were cast. First let us look at some of the less popular options. At the bottom with 0.71% we can find the options that our readers suggested themselves. Those were: 1. Players with complain all the time This in translation means the players that complain constantly during matches. 2. People taking dump on tacos 3. Teammates pushing you around 4. Playing against Sptut and Mr. Age at the same time This option probably received so few votes because you can add some other players to make it even worse. 5. Cominu being lazy Everyone can probably guess who is responsible for putting this option in.
We were surprised by the fact that Medic in the opposite team also received only 0.71% of all votes. Even though everyone is annoyed when a medic enters the battlefield, we assume that medics are not hated for the fact that they are everyone’s favourite target. Spamming objects in map editor, being naded by your teammates and jokes about cucurbicide are also not important issues for citizens of OGAT (all three options received 0.71%). Far bigger annoyances are players using their special abilities such as impenetrable Lag shields and teleportation(2.14%). The recent resurgence of lists comprising of top players in OGAT received 2.86% of votes. Although these lists clog up the forums daily only 4 votes were cast for this option. Before we move to the top option, we have to address the options in second and third place. Firstly our sponsor Packers and Movers demanded that we don’t disclose how the option involving their monopoly did in the poll. “The current lawsuits against us are still in process and the monopoly hasn’t been proven yet” said their lawyer after threatening us with removing their donations. So we can’t tell you that they landed in the third place with (4.29%). As we expected the option featuring Auto-balance that can produce stacked team was placed very high (also in third place with 4.29%). In the second place is a man that is getting an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most annoying man in OGAT. We expected that Roaxer would secure first place in our survey due to the recent developments in the Off-Topic forums, but apparently only 8 people truly hate him. However it won’t come as a big surprise that the most hated feature is when you can’t steal the Cake while robbing the Mansion. With exactly a hundred votes (71.34%), the Cake is the most hated object when the Guards prevent you from stealing it.
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First Democratic Elections Approaching
By D.J.G.
June 24, 2016
The days of the authoritarian ruling system of the Developers party are coming to an end as OGAT is soon becoming a democratic republic. The first democratic elections will begin in two weeks. Citizens of OGAT will vote for the new president as well as for the members of the newly established parliament. We prepared the list of the most important presidential candidates and their parties for our readers so they can decide who to vote for.
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Cominu- Forza OGAT [FO] “OGAT will basically be ruined and we will have to shut it down if we aren’t elected”- Helba, FO political advisor The current ruling party of OGAT, previously named the National Developers Party, promises fair and democratic elections. If elected, they will continue to develop OGAT in the current direction and promise more frequent updates.
Idulus – Free Democratic Union of OGAT [FDU] “No cheating, no spawncamping, no trolling, no teamkilling” They promise to devise new methods to prevent spawn camping and to provide fairer games. However their opponents often criticise the idea for governmental blacklist and segregated servers for “fair” and “unfair” citizens.
Roaxer – Conservative and Trolling Party [Trollies] Their manifesto includes legalisation of trolling and spamming but also raising awareness for the Multiple Accounts Personality Disorder. They also propose to add an amendment to the constitution stating they are the best party that ever was, is or will be.
BigMgamer – United Kleptomaniac Independence Party [UKIP] “We entered the elections for fun and also for win”- HUNT3R, UKIP chief political advisor It is unclear what their goals are. Some political analysts assume from their name that they are more in favour of thieves and will probably create laws to make it easier for thieves to steal desired items. Some say they want to reinstate the ancient OGAT monarchy and are already structuring their party in the image of the old OGAT feudal society.
Ravioli – Liberal Bathtub Democrats [LBD] “Wink”- imbetterthanmoe, LBD party leader The whimsical party of OGAT supports more fun in games. They promise to pass laws that require everyone “to kinda loosen up and be chill”. Many are against their policies as they like to complain about every aspect of OGAT.
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OfficerMorgan123 – National Melon Front [Melons] “We have to prevent the recent melon massacres happening all over OGAT”- OfficerMorgan123, Melon Party leader Melon courts for all citizens responsible for slaughtering melons is one of their prominent demands. They also stand for stricter control of all weapons that can harm melons mainly knives and swords. Other demands include proposals for melon themed hats and melon themed vehicles. They are mostly perceived as strongly religious party or as a strange melon cult. Everyone is interested how they intend to gather votes from citizens that are not melons.
TheRoyalAssassin – Chaotic Socialists [CS] Nobody is quite sure what they stand for, but members of the Chaotic Socialist party are often mentioned together with words “elite” and “the best”. Although, the party is currently lacking members to fill all seats in the new parliament and no one is certain if this will be the reason for their defeat.
Nettoo – Slippery Republicans [Les Républicains] “OGAT by French for French people” The French immigrants are mainly gathered in the Republican Party. They mostly strive for larger French influence in OGAT. They want that all English signs are translated and replaced with French alternatives, Golden Potato to be replaced with a Golden Onion, Pizza with a Quiché and all OGAT citizens will be required to wear berets and a day old baguette as the primary melee weapon. How much support can they gather from non-French speaking citizens is yet to be seen.
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OGAT National Elections 2016 – The votes have been counted and the winner is...
By D.J.G.
July 12, 2016
After 3 years of authoritarian regime of the National Developers party, people of OGAT were finally able to democratically elect their representatives on Friday 8th of July. Mr Cominu the president of the National Developers party (now known as Forza OGAT) assured that this will be an honest and fair election. Today the votes have been counted and The Guardian news is the first to bring you the results of presidential and parliamentary elections. Eight major parties and numerous small ones participated in the elections. And now we reveal the results: The new president is Mr. Cominu with 11245 votes (100%). The new parliament will be comprised of only one party Forza OGAT. They also collected 11245 votes (100%). All other parties and presidental candidates did not receive any votes. It appears there was only one registered voter in OGAT. Our reporter interviewed the only voter Mr. Helba, who was also the campaign leader and vice-president of Forza OGAT.
The Guardian: Mr. Helba thank you for deciding to sit down with us and talk about the elections. Only 1 voter and 11245 votes, would you say this is a small irregularity? Helba: Not really. It only show that I am very confident that Cominu will be a terrific new President and that I firmly believe in Forza OGAT policies. The Guardian: Currently only 1 voter was allowed to vote. As the presumptive next prime minister of OGAT do you plan to extend the voting rights to more citizens? Helba: Yes, this is one of our top priorities for the next elections in 2050. We plan to at least double the number of people who can vote by extending the rights to all members of Forza OGAT. So Mr. Cominu will also be able to vote in the next elections. The Guardian: That is all from The Guardian News team for now. We can say with utmost certainty that the elections were another great moment for democracy in OGAT.
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Pokémon Go now available in OGAT
By D.J.G.
July 25, 2016
Almost three weeks after being released in Australia the augmented reality game has finally arrived. It appears all OGAT citizens have been captured in the ball of madness that is the new Pokémon game. So far there have been many positive effects connected with the release of the game. The violence in River City stopped as both Red and Blue gang stopped fighting and started to catch Pokémon instead. The crime rates dropped significantly all over OGAT and the authorities noted that both robbery and murder numbers have dropped. Despite the many benefits there have been a few strange incidents. One of the guards in the office complex clearly did not understand the concept of the game and threw a grenade towards the location of the Pokémon on his screen. Three guards and one thief have been killed in the incident. Another event happened in the mansion last night. A thief landed in the hospital after a failed Mansion robbery “We were in the middle of a mansion heist when my phone suddenly starts to vibrate. I couldn’t believe it, a wild Charizard appeared right next to the Golden potato. Naturally I abandoned the robbery and started to catch my first Charizard. All of a sudden two guards came in the conference room but nobody was shooting at me, they all gathered around me and started to cheer. Then a guardian jerk entered the room and started to hit me with his baton. Other guards tried to stop him but it was too late. I woke up in the hospital but at least I have this” stated the thief while showing us his 1463 CP Charizard.
However another group of thieves stole an entire supply of canned pasta from the military camp. They somehow managed to convince the soldiers they accidentally wondered in their base trying to catch a Bulbasaur. Apparently all soldiers on guarding duty shouted “Where?” then started running around the base trying to catch the elusive Pokémon while leaving the canned pasta practically unguarded. “You could say our attack was super effective” said the thief that wishes to remain anonymous.
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OGAT-Tech adding dangerous substance in the paint which they use for new weapon skins
By D.J.G.
August 6, 2016
OGATleaks.org, a website that publishes secret information and classified documents from anonymous sources – published e-mail correspondence between Helba, CEO of OGAT-Tech and Mr. Cominu, owner of OGAT-Tech (OT) regarding the paint which they are using for the new weapon skins. To cut the cost of production they intend to use a substance designated as MS paint. Mr. Cominu stated in his e-mail that the substance is highly carcinogenic and can cause paralysis if exposed to water. He also pointed out that they should be concerned with about 50 other health hazards MS paint can cause. Mr. Cominu ultimately compared it to taking a lethal dose of arsenic but approved the substance after seeing the amount of money they would save. This is the second scandal in which OGAT-Teach was involved. We already reported on the grenade incident in one of our previous articles, when it was found that OT supplied the guards with faulty grenades that were not filled with enough explosive to kill a person. We were able to contact the OT employee responsible for the leak. He told us OGAT-Tech is involved in more shady business deals and that he is preparing to reveal the evidence to OGATleaks in the upcoming weeks. Unfortunately neither Mr. Cominu nor Helba were available for comment.
New Evolutionary Discovery
by Parr T. Nader
August 23, 2016
Just yesterday, biologist xXxXxGaMeZzBoNdxXxXx came up with a shocking theory. Following his discovery of a zombie with an overlenghtened neck, Professor Bond began to furiously study zombie corpses. After comparing zombie bones with that of an extinct species of giraffe called Tallneckasaurus Professor Bond and his team discovered, "Very significant similarities." For years scientists have thought that zombies were resurrected human corpses. However; because of this new discovery, the theory is being reexamined for the first time.
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Proposal to establish organisation for preventing future forum wars met with disaster
by D.J.G.
September 9, 2016
On Tuesday another devastating forum war started between the Bondic Federation and the Republic of Nightmare Cookies in the General Forums. The conflict erupted after the traditional military parade by Bondic Federation where the Federation displayed their massive army. However their neighbours the Republic of Nightmare Cookies sent a diplomatic letter to the Bondic stating that their army isn’t that impressive. Naturally the Bondic were offended and the war began the same day. First shots were heard the next morning after the Kingdom of Theomatic failed to prevent the war by sending their diplomats to the Cookies. By noon there were heavy casualties on both sides and neither Bondic nor Cookies made any significant advances. After another failed attempt to stop the war, this time by the Fresh Republic of Sheet, the conflict escalated and spread to Page 2. At this time the alliance between the Republic of West Jiggle and the Scientific Ninja Confederation decided to propose the establishment of United Forum Nations - an organisation responsible for keeping Forum Peace and promoting co-operation between forum nations. However not all forum nations agreed, Democratic Republic of Silver Cheese rejected the proposal as they thought the organisation would be ineffective. Both Bondic Federation and the Republic of Nightmare Cookies also refused to join the new organisation and the war on Bondic-Cookie border continues.
Meanwhile numerous families had to evacuate the General Forums and are migrating to other Forums to escape the horrors of war. Many are trying to leave the OGAT Forums all together as other Forums such as Off-topic and Clans are constantly on the brink of war.
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Massive protest against new immigration laws threatens the stability of OGAT government
By D.J.G.
December 11, 2016
Earlier this week the parliament loosened OGAT’s immigration policy. This allowed hundreds of Steam Union citizens to live in OGAT. “In the past months we experienced massive emigration and we had to find a quick solution. First we removed the archaic restrictions placed on guard jobs. Everyone with proper education levels can now be employed as medics, guardians and even carriers.” stated the president of OGAT - Mr. Cominu. This in turn created more jobs for thieves who decided they need to equip themselves with more Az-47s and grenades. However not everyone is in favour of the new policy. The N.U.B. party staged massive protests in front of the governmental palace. They fear that new immigrants are less educated and less civilized than “veteran OGAT citizens” as they named them. One of the rare parties tolerant of the immigrants is the Free Democratic Union. FDU President, Mr. Idulus issued a statement earlier today, asking people of OGAT to help newer citizens adjust in their new home. Although other parties pointed out that FDU is desperately trying to raise their popularity and gain some new members. Nonetheless it appears not even the new citizens are pleased with the situation. Steam Union received several complaints. Some were about OGAT government but most of them concerning healthcare system as the number of fatalities among the new citizens are soaring.
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OGAT Government concealing secret T.R.A.S.H. facility
By D.J.G.
February 9, 2017
Today it was revealed that OGAT government has been concealing a large amount of S.P.A.M. posts in a secret forum location known only by the code name T.R.A.S.H. The facility currently has 4 levels and is storing hundreds of Zongyi, Packers and Movers and mp2mmotank S.P.A.M. posts. We interviewed the Director of T.R.A.S.H. when information about the facility was leaked: “How? How did you find out about TRASH? Sigh. The storage facility is located somewhere on OGAT forums however we can’t disclose its exact location. It would be too dangerous if somebody discovered all the spam posts” S.P.A.M. experts are puzzled why the government is amassing so many posts. They say it’s a cause for alarm: “Imagine if somebody managed to release all the spam back onto the OGAT forums. It would be an Environmental disaster and it would take weeks to clean up” It truly is concerning to hear so many terrible S.P.A.M. posts are located in one location. Neighboring forums are in a state of panic after hearing about T.R.A.S.H. They fear OGAT might launch an attack. With so many S.P.A.M. posts, OGAT could potentially destroy other forums.
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